A Perv's Bootcamp
It’s easy to get stuck in a sexual rut, and ruts can be fine, if you’re comfortable with them, but there are moments when it’s nice to acquire a new skill, or at least give something a whirl even if it doesn’t end up in regular rotation. Personally, I’ve been diversifying my Internet smut consumption, and I’m proud to say my days of browsing the misogynist site Pornhub are over! I’ve since seen things I didn’t know I wanted to see. Maybe I’ll try them, or maybe I’m happier just knowing they’re out there. Either way, I’m expanding my menu of sexual practices, scripts, aesthetics, and attitudes, so when I’m hungry I’ll have plenty of other options from which to chose. I won't simply settle for cold pizza just because it’s there, easy, and moderately satisfying.
It’s convenient to assign too much value and comfort in things we think we have figured out. So, you can make yourself come really fast, and you know exactly what turns you on and how to get it, but putting some extra time and care into your sexual well-being can have benefits that extend into other parts of life, like an increased sensitivity to sensuality, or finding possible sources of arousal that deepen an understanding of your own capacity for pleasure and creativity, or a greater compassion for others who have wildly different sexual practices than your own, or an increased respect for the abilities of your own body, not to mention many other bonus effects.
I’ve spoken with a few women about things they have worked to teach themselves while masturbating and having sex with others, like how to squirt or how to have multiple orgasms, and they’ve gushed about the benefits of their expanded repertoire. Phoebe, my guest this week has a sex bucket list, and her list will look vastly different when she is age fifty than how it looks now, at twenty-five. This active engagement with desire and its physical manifestation is necessary to maintain a healthy and robust sexuality for a lifetime. It doesn’t have to fade! Anticipation, preparation, visualization, and communication are all part of sex. Thinking back to the times in my life when I’ve been dissatisfied with my sex life, it’s clear that in those moments or periods, I was mostly disengaged with sex unless I was actively seeking it out. It is only more recently that I have learned that good sex is not like riding a bike.